A teenager told me that most of his schoolmates doubted him when he mentioned that his parents were still married after more than twenty years. He mentioned that almost all of his high school peers had divorced or widowed parents. Today, I discovered that only one third of the people I know have not experienced divorce and are still with their original partners. The remaining two thirds have either remarried or remained single after going through a divorce.
I won't mention the divorce rate statistics for 2024. You can look it up online if you're interested, as many of us are already aware of how alarmingly high it is. Finding individuals who are still together with their first spouse or who haven't experienced divorce is quite uncommon. When someone mentions that they've been married for over two decades nowadays, it leaves others astonished, with their eyes almost popping out. Only a small number of people truly understand the experience of being married for such a long time or not having gone through the pain of divorce.
Today, our bodies are afflicted by illness, making us feel too unwell for intimacy due to the overwhelming burden of stress. Work demands and challenging clients add to our load, while our children's busy schedules leave us exhausted and with little time. The strain of stress makes it difficult for us to connect intimately or experience pleasure together. In moments when we are physically present but emotionally distant, the loneliness in our marriage and family life becomes palpable. The daily routine of work, family responsibilities, and late meals leaves little room for intimate moments or cuddling. As the children grow up and leave home, the dynamics change, and we may find ourselves feeling disconnected from our spouse, realizing that our interests have diverged.
Divorce
Divorce can be a very lonely place to be. You feel ashamed, and there are people who look differently at you. It breaks up families, and the hurt is raw and real. If you're still married and find yourself in a place where the fire might have died down a bit, there's still hope. Many websites say that you should date your husband or wife. They are right. With children, we leave that on the back burner, but what about when the children go to bed? At that time, you and your husband can retreat to your room with decadent food and have a playful night.
If you discover that your children have grown up and you feel disconnected from your spouse, view it as an opportunity. Recall the early days when you first met your partner and spent time together, learning about each other. Approach this phase as a new adventure and rekindle the romance with your spouse. Take the time to rediscover their preferences and interests, as people evolve over time.
Consider seeking therapy both individually and together with your partner. While infidelity can complicate matters significantly, if it's not a factor, aim to pursue the therapy that both you and your partner require. It's understandable that sometimes a partner may be reluctant to give the marriage another chance and may refuse therapy, which is a common scenario. Nonetheless, make an effort to persuade them to try. Divorce can tear people apart and lead to a solitary journey.
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